12 years and counting...

When my husband and I started investing/lending it was at the encouragement of a friend who knew Mac and his family and we met him, liked him and decided to give him a significant sum of $ to invest in his “project” To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t really know what is was all about – all I heard was “15-20% return” and “trusted Vermont Family” – at the time that seemed good enough. It didn’t hurt that I had met Mac at my Agency retreat a year earlier where he came to do a folksy VT show – and I laughed myself to tears. When I was asked to invest I remembered that special person with a gift for story-telling and deep roots in the area. And there was the money, of course. But it was years before we saw a return. My husband I and I are both social workers who are perhaps overly used to living lean and “investing” in things (and people) that don’t necessarily pan out - just set it aside.

After a time the returns started coming back – and we invested again – and the return-investment relationship became a pretty comfortable pas-de-deux. Each year when we had $ we would send it over and we would get regular returns. Do you think my husband and I ever looked at each other cross-eyed and thought: “Where do you suppose this $ is coming from?” You bet we did. And we stuffed it and smirked all the way to the bank and put up again – when we could – when Mac asked. We made – and shared – a significant amount of $ with Mac. Over the years I brought my mom in – who also received healthy returns, and then my brother. But….just then the spell had broken. The house of cards fell down, the emails started and the “reality” of the folksy letters and not exactly Wall-street type organization began to unfold and I have to say my husband and I took a deep breath, counted our blessings and stepped back. For us – now – we are only “a little in”. We made more than we lost. My brother lost a lot. My mom is just fine. We all invested what we could – when we were prepared to never see it again – because it was a risk.

For me – when I started to licked my little wounds from investing-lending-whatever - what made a huge difference was sitting in a dark room in Starksboro and watching a late version of The Film. It was a huge success as far as I was concerned. It was elegant and rich and although I was beginning to suspect that our investment/lending dance was spiraling into limbo – I was re-engaged in being a part of the process. It was fun to see Mac so obviously proud of his beautiful little film – he should be. It is precious.

Then of course the shit hit the fan. Who was Lou? Who was Horace? Who is Christopher? Who the hell is Mac Parker? I went through all of this with every one of you. I took Mac to task, I contacted Horace and Mac to try to mediate between them while I just hated the fact that yet another personal relationship was being broken down and dissected by a gaggle of strangers - us. I wondered - similar to you? - if it was possible for Christopher to be so eloquent, smart AND supportive of Mac given his proximity. Who does that? I had a lot of worry and suspicions. I finally believe he is that rare animal of devotion and intellect who has taken from his deep conviction and energy stores to try to shape us back into something good – as I think we were when we started. I think it’s shame that we have lost Christopher's voice – yet I am grateful for the time he gave. It was a terrifically selfless act and few of us stepped up to publicly thank him for his hard work and for weathering the storm we all created with our positions and personalities. I think the blog is a good, natural next step and many thank yous to Sharon for setting it up and taking time to coach us on its use.

From where I sit I see Mac pretty much the same as I always did. Earnest, vaguely irresponsible and fiercely devoted to his film and lenders/investors. I think we stand a good chance to get our $ back – and more importantly – to have our special little movie have it’s coming out to the world – if we allow Mac to clean himself up and get his ship back on course.

I do understand BISCHA’s and the AC Groups perspective – I think they truly believe that we have all been hoodwinked and played for fools. But really – when we were ALL getting those massive checks with the unseemly percentage earnings – did any of you really think that was happening by magic? Even a little Burlington-bound social worker like me can work out the math of where all the money went. It went to US. YOU. The people you invited to Invest. Years and years of high payments – way too high (….yet….many of us suspected this….) went out to all of us over the years. We all used that money and now some of you wonder where it went? Unless one of you has seen Mac churning up Addison County in a New Red Ferrari I think we can all be pretty secure in the fact that he - irresponsibly - mingled the assets, but didn’t abuse us or the use of the money. That he tried to appease us – and keep the money coming in – by selling us the hope of future returns on our investments for our loans, is clear. But we helped make that little storm happen, too. And that he made a very, very bad decision to give some of this money to a very unstable person (Lou). But – we gave it to him and every one of us has to deal with the repercussions of our decision.

I feel terribly for those of you who have lost huge amounts of money – and I understand that I cannot touch how foul and broken that would feel if I was in that position. I don’t know what I would do if my future had been destroyed by Macs carelessness, if my children couldn’t go to college or if I couldn’t retire the way I had saved for my whole life. I cannot speak to that other than to say that anger and disgust is perfectly real and deserved. I do think that those of you who are the most damaged by this terrible turning of attention from The Movie to The Man have all the justification in the world to feel the most hurt, to lash out the most violently and to splinter into upstart, angry retaliatory groups. It happens in business, too. Sometimes investors/lenders get angry and try to take over. I wish you wouldn’t – but as I have said – I don’t have your specific urgency or experience and I don’t share your need to take the rudder. I don’t think anyone else can steer this broken vessel better than Mac – who brought us to this lost island while each one of us paddled blindly with him. I am a little embarrassed at times to be a part of this debacle – and I am also proud (yet mystified) by my ability to endure another day of being a part of insecure and bewildering event of the Birth of Innocence. It has been a remarkable experience to be brought into this fiery and very raw exchange. There are no simple answers from our perspective – so I will continue to buckle down.

To approach any of this as black and white is irresponsible. There are shades of gray here – in each of the issues and people; Mac and the Lou, Mac and Horace, Mac and his Mad-accounting practices. But in my field I have stood across from a lot of liars – and although you never really know who has a clown suit hiding in their closet (with all due respect – clowns freak me out) – I have sat across from Mac and seen his earnestness and “truthiness” and I still see an honest man. He answered my candid questions – on several occasions - and I would rather continue to support someone who I know is good, frustratingly flawed and braver than most than be persuaded by money (alone), fear and further greed.

None of us are going to get out of this unchanged. I am aiming to be a little better.

Blessings to you all,

Elizabeth Sightler